My inner child prompted trauma bonds. The child that was denied their reality. The child whose trust was violated by people that were suppose to protect, love, guide and comfort them. As an adult that inner child still longed for unmet needs to be fulfilled, and suppressed childhood emotions to be expressed. To be seen, loved and heard are things I craved in my early adulthood and which later qualified my courter. Relationships were a safety net for me because people who "loved" me nurtured my inner child. While all the while the benefit of focusing on re-parenting my inner child through love, visibility and acceptance was the safety I was in searched for. My previous relationships reflected emotional addiction,inability to understand/ clearly communicate my thoughts feeling and emotions. The cycle of my emotional addiction in my relationships shielded me. The feeling of emotional expression being suppressed while trying to control unwanted communication, feelings, reactions and expression was familiar. Though I had knowledge of the danger these emotional patterns possessed , it was still a security blanket for me. These reflections mirrored in my relationships were due to learned self-neglect through enmeshment displayed by generational dynamics. Being misunderstood was a common theme throughout my childhood into my early adulthood. However I pose the question how could anyone else understand the fulfillment of my needs, when my broken inner child lurked in the shadows? Making the promise to court my #innerchild was my first conscious decision I made to build a healthy relationship... with self.
